Introduction- Meet Tosin Swaggerlicious

 Introduction

 

Hello there, (I throwey salute o)

 

My name is Tosin, a Nigerian born young woman living in the UK, for the past 4 years. How did I land here sef? Long story, its fine sha; at least I have experienced another side of life and eaten some kinds of food I never imagined (haahaha! I like food), but the koko of the matter be say I don tire for this place and that is to say I am going home * straight face*.

 

Everyday of my life in this country, I see things that get me thinking, but I have no friends to share it with so I have decided to start blogging. I am not an illegal immigrant and I have an OK job with a company listed on the LSE (all glory to God) but what am I saying sef, the able Queen spends my salary *rolls eyes*. At the end of the day, when payslip lands plus all the bills waiting to be paid, u go wan shed tears. You guys in Naija are having a ball o, for here TV Licence, council tax, MOT, car insurance, mobile phone bill, landline rental fee, electricity bill, water and sewage bill, broadband bill, satellite bill, road tax plus my rent..from one person, in one month and I never talk food, clothes or faaji, Haaa Iya Charlie, Her Royal Majesty, God is watching you in HD o.

 

I wake up at 5.30am everyday to get to work for 8am and the oyibos in my office think I am mad but I no blame dem, sebi they can choose jobs, who dash Oluwatosin with my thick African accent. Do you know how many interviews I attended before God blessed me with this one? At those interviews, I will try my best to speak fone but before the interview ends my true Naija accent go don comot, kai I suffer no be small that time and the kain job wey I dey do, oyibos sef dey do am, so the competition tight well well. That accent issue sha, I don fall my hand so many times, we go discuss am later.

 

Anyways, at work they call me all sorts- Soldier, Usain Bolt (because of the speed at which I work), but me no send o. I know my aim and that is?????????Guess! To save enough and gerrout..hehehe.

Make I no lie sha, my colleagues are nice and not racist or horrible to me directly, but who knows what goes on behind my back ( I NO SEND, if na Naija I dey now, ehn ehn I go fit break bottle..lol).

 

The koko of this blog is to share with you guys (my new online friends) everything my eye dey see for this place called UK.  The amazing things I see at work, on the tube, bus, on trains and in my neighbourhood. How could I have left such wonderful weather, food and lovely people to settle here?? Anyway I have woken up from my slumber. To everyone aspiring to come here, I wish you luck o, I have tried within me to love this place but its just not happening, maybe I am too local? Who knows?? I prefer Oshodi Oshodi -Mile 12 tunes, dragging generator and fighting conductor life jare..leave story, this place too dull. Kai!

 

Also, this blog is an avenue for me to vent till my money is complete and I finally make it back to my homeland, so it’s a journey I am embarking on with you guys.

 

Today, my complain is the way oyibos look at me as if I am too fat, shuo….because my bum is big? I am not fat o (a decent size 12-14 at 5ft 11” what are you talking? Kim K take a seat *rolls eyes*). Kai! I miss Naija days when I was the toast of town because of my bum, see as guys dey fall that time. Now, they give me one eye as I am rolling across in my office like say see as this one be, what do they know??Shio. Even yeye black boys here join them in giving me that look..hahaha, I laugh at those ones because I know they are only trying to feel among. It’s not in your nature mate!

 

Anyways, me sef don dey try gym and eat healthy but I doubt if I can ever be lepa, even if I am, my bum will always be there, it’s a free gift of nature to me and the women in my family.

 

My colleague who is like size 4-6, tinrin like anything is always on a diet and goes to the gym daily, I look at her and shake my head, (sha no go collapse for gym one day),if to say na my homeland, nothing for you o. No correct bobo in Naija and I repeat, no correct bobo in Naija likes bones. (Am right abi *smiles*). For here, na bones dey reign, in other words, people like us in the UK have a problem while the tinrin ones are the OK ones. Oshi!! Come see Toolz for Naija and fear now *nuff respect sis though I am a learner beside you and no mind all those Linda Ikeji readers wey make u go dey push heavy tyre, people get mouth sha*

 

Speaking of food, lunchtime is hell for me at work, what is there to eat sef? Salad, sandwich and crisps, jacket potato or you go and eat burger or KFC? The canteen in my office, no words describe the oshi dey produce. I am always looking for hot food with my small lunch budget. (I no come count bridge for London).  Na the soup dey vex me pass, which kain levels?? My colleague I mentioned above, takes abi drinks soup for lunch everyday (dem curse that girl, I swear).

 

Kai, I remember with mixed feelings the days of afang and edikaikong at lunchtime in VI or Jollof rice, moi moi and chicken from Chicken Republic. Sigh! NIGERIA- Oluwatosin misses you dearly.

 

I am happy to answer questions and receive criticisms in the comments section, also please follow me on twitter @tosinswagger for live updates , . Hopefully everything works out well with this blog and I am able to post daily. (make Met Police and HRM no begin find me sha because na mess I wan mess their country for here)..*jokes*

 

Catch you guys tomorrow

 

Love XX (me sef don dey use x like oyibos..Hehehe)