Hello People,
Someone said you won’t hear from me until Friday and I decided to disappoint you…lol. Here I am on Thursday, what a record *standing ovation for me please..Hehehe! I am not serious I know.
How are you guys? Life here is still the same jare, no changes. Same thing happens day in day out, you jump on the train at the same time in the morning, you get to work at the same time everyday, everything is programmed to work at a certain time, no surprises at all. It is good and I commend this people for how efficiently their country operates but common this is too boring na, routine can be overwhelming and leaves you depressed after a while. No excitement, no new challenges, no surprises, omo I miss Lasgidi o. Can a day pass by without you witnessing something new? Two people must fight by the road side, two guys in suit must blow grammar after one hit’s the other’s car, conductor must fight passenger, agberos must beg for money…sigh! Something new and exciting happens daily. Eko ile, I miss you die.
Today I want to become an adviser, yes! a serious one o. I read a thread on Nairaland recently from a young guy with a job in Nigeria seeking to sell his car and use the proceeds plus his little savings to come to the UK for a masters degree. He plans to do some menial jobs to support himself.
The UK is a good place to study as long as you go to a good university and meet the right people; it helps your confidence, improves your career chances and exposes you to things you will never see in Nigeria even if you work for a multinational, HOWEVER, here is my take and I will list in bullet point
• NEVER you come to the UK with no money with the hope of working here to raise your fees, feed and pay for accommodation, my brother or sister na pity I pity you o. When coming here, ensure you have all the cash you need to survive. Infact, plan your money on a month by month basis and ensure you don’t overshoot your budget. There is nothing like ‘esare ya mi ni 5K for here o’ (Please borrow me N5000). If you are lucky and you get a part-time job, that is a plus and you save the proceeds but please note that chances of getting such jobs now are really slim
• Have a plan B, don’t think the only way forward for you is to finish your Masters and stay put in the UK whether you are granted a visa or not. Na suffer part 2 you dey so. Infact they have changed the post study visa laws, so my dear people, as soon as you finish studying, find your way back to where you came from. Shuo! Why is that hard? Is that not the contract you signed with the embassy when you got your visa?? The only exception to that rule is finding a good company that is willing to employ you and sponsor your visa. No let me hear say you stayed back and joined the association of ‘spouses of obese/ugly oyibos’ all in the name of visa. What is the assurance that you will get the visa? and if you do, what guarantees your getting a good job after you have spent a few years trying to get the visa. You will explain to the employer the reasons for the gaps in your career o.. a word is enough for the wise
• Finally, when you get here, I beg you do not join the ‘popping champagne, longest Brazilian hair, attending all parties, buying the latest car’ crew. Ofcouse, this does not apply to you if you are Dangote or Adenuga’s child or if your father is a politician. This applies to you if you had to use your savings with help from your folks to come here, think of your future. Save the little you have, it will come in handy when you have to go back home.
Now to those of you that want to come in here with a visit visa and disappear into thin air, I don’t even have words for you. Gone are the days when people here didn't want to do some jobs and left it to illegal immigrants, the new Government is changing things and living on benefits is no longer attractive. Therefore, people are willing to accept any kind of job plus the influx of European Union citizens.
I went to Heathrow airport in February and one Naija guy with one dead suitcase and flimsy cardigan asked me in the thickest Yoruba accent,’ please I am going to Elephant & Castle’. I looked at him and shook my head; because obviously he has come here to hustle. I wanted to tell him that he should not dare step out into the cold with that flimsy cardigan, for crying out loud it was -2 degrees outside. I almost advised him to go back and beg the immigration guys to send him back home. What has he come here to do for real?
If only our leaders will stop stealing our money, Naija would have been a country to envy. I mean we have natural resources, good weather, friendly people, we know how to have fun etc. What will you want to come and do in freezing temperatures and amongst racist people…tscheewww!!
Enough of the rant sef, who send me message abi?..lol, it’s not my fault now, I am just tired of hearing that some of my Naija brothers and sisters still believe that you can pick gold on the streets of UK. It has never and will never be …GBAM. I remember how I used to fantasise in Nigeria about entering the UK and changing my life. The day I left ehnn, people no hear word o, it was as if I got a ticket to heaven. I boasted and kept saying I will have nothing to do with Naija anymore, look at me now *sobs*. I have tasted the other side and come to that painful conclusion, the grass looks greener on the other side. I will soon write about how I started here (my humble beginnings..Lol), all I went through to reach this level. Baba God na you o!
Hey people, forgive me o, he be like say this posts go be on a weekly basis. I over anticipated when I promised it will be on a daily basis, omo where I wan see the gist from, for this dry UK?? Lol. Hope you understand. *hugs*. That way sef, I will gather enough gists to write a lengthy piece. Thank you all for reading and leaving comments.
Have a nice weekend. We are blowing from hot to cold again this weekend, me ke! I am ever ready, the weather man is my best friend.
Love XX
Thursday, 25 April 2013
Friday, 19 April 2013
Hello People
*Peeps with one eye*
*runs back* *peeps again, now avoiding stones, sticks and shoes* BIG SMILE
Hello people, it’s been a week and yes, I am totally useless. How can I disappear for a whole week? and I intend to run a blog? I must be kidding right? First things first, I sincerely apologise for my week’s absence; I have had what you can call ‘writer’s block’. Is that right?
I tried all I could to pick up my pen all week but it just didn't happen. I think the first issue was with Google not approving my adsense account, they said my writing was against a group of people
?? Egbami, how now? I live
somewhere and I want to write about my experiences, did I mention anyone’s
name? That put me off I must confess. Its not like its all about the cash o,
but common it will be nice to make some extras from this now, at least I can
add to my savings so I can return to Naija earlier than planned…..lol. Anyways
sha they can’t stop my shine, I will continue writing and find a better way to
make money sef *rolls eyes* #rantover
How have you guys been? A lot has happened in this past week o, kai! Oyibo land no easy at all. First and foremost, I’ll like to say a big thanks to Baba God for the weather, it has been OK o, for like 2 weeks now it’s been bearable and I have reduced the number of layers I wear. These days I don't think too much about going home. I hear there is a disease called winter blues and it affects about 70% of the population. During the winter months, you are severely depressed and hate the UK; I definitely suffer from that disease. During winter, I think about Naija every blessed day, even in my sleep. It has reduced now but I have not forgotten all together, watch out for Tosin Swagger arriving in Lagos very soonJ, but first I’ll enjoy the summer.,.hehehehehe.
In the past week, three significant things happened to me and I want to share. They are very serious o and have impacted greatly on my life and the way I reason.
Firstly, my Team Head at work sent an invite round for a meeting and it was tagged ‘Lunch and Learn’, they announced that you don't have to bring lunch on that day, just turn up at 12 noon. Ofcouse, every human being likes awoof and we all could not stop talking about it, both oyibo and dudus..lol. On the day of the meeting, we arrived all looking cool, some people didn't have breakfast sef (minus me sha). We all kept talking about how we were not interested in the ‘Learn’ part and only wanted the Lunch’. At 12noon, we all trooped to the meeting room and saw a table with tea, coffee and fruits. We were so excited at the appetisers and started munching while listening to the speakers and also looking at the door to the meeting room for any sign of the waiters bringing the lunch. 1 o’clock, no sign of lunch, 1.30pm still no sign of lunch, 2 pm meeting ended and they said thank you all for coming. Shuo! Where the heck is this lunch we were promised? Nobody answered the question. My colleagues started leaving and I realised what we ate when we came in was the ‘Lunch’L. My people when did tea, coffee and fruits become lunch? Only in oyibo land o, we all left disappointed but it looks like the oyibos were not too surprised. Me ke, I learnt a great life lesson o, next time I hear lunch, don’t bring lunch bla bla, I will find my way to the nearest restaurant first and eat well. Never again will I be taken for a fool..Tscheww. Who begged them sef
?? Reminds me of the days
back in Naija when Mama Tosin used to feed us before attending any party, how
could I have forgotten the training my mama gave me so fast?? Shame on me
Secondly, I got on a bus during the week and was going through my phone and reading my daily dose of Naija gossip. We got to a bustop, and the driver stopped, me I didn't look up o but I was forced to in the end. The kind of smell that covered the bus was unbearable, what was smelling, who is smelling, we all started looking around and giving signs with straight faces. Mind you, oyibo can gbeborun without you knowing o, they have some funny facial expressions ehnnnn…. Guess what happened, it was the man that got in at the bustop that brought the smell in. How can someone stink like this? I tried my best to bear it but when I could not breathe anymore, I rang the bell and got off. You won’t believe it, what happened in 1972 happened to me again. What happened I hear you ask? I walked homeL. I still had like six stops to go but I just had to walk. I know you will say it is good exercise but seriously is it fair?? Why some of these people no dey baff?? Honestly, once its cold they stop taking a bath and start walking around like that putting the whole nation at risk, and the kind of smell that emanates from them ehnn -cigarette, alcohol, burger, pies, and all sorts put together. It’s not fair o….*crying*
Thirdly, I want to a small town last weekend to visit my friends, a town where they are like the only blacks living there. How do people survive in these kinds of places? It’s bad enough I miss Naija so much, how can I go and live in a place where people are giving me stares as if I am an ‘ebora’ (idol). The kind of looks I was getting at the station and walking along the road ehnn, I was so sure someone was going to pull out a gun and shoot me. After sometime I just pictured in my head that I was a celebrity jare, with people looking at me and wanting to be like me. With this picture in my head, I strolled majestically to my friend’s place, but honestly my heart was in my mouth. My friends confirmed this is a daily occurrence for them with people constantly looking at them and some swearing at them. Na by force, abeg me dey go Naija jere where we are all the same. Everywhere you go, you are judged by your skin colour and your accent? Recently, a guy told me in a supermarket near my house to go home, I just looked at him and shook my head at the loser and walked away. I pity the dudus that were born here that don’t have anywhere to go o, trust me they are judged too. Some people say they have grown thick skin, but me I haven’t o, it still pains me when someone is racist towards me. May God help us all.
Thanks to Seun0622 for checking on me while I was away, now that’s a true fan..lol, you give me strength to go on bro *chop knuckle*
Have a nice weekend all and you will hear from me soon (I promise)
Love XX
Hello people, it’s been a week and yes, I am totally useless. How can I disappear for a whole week? and I intend to run a blog? I must be kidding right? First things first, I sincerely apologise for my week’s absence; I have had what you can call ‘writer’s block’. Is that right?
I tried all I could to pick up my pen all week but it just didn't happen. I think the first issue was with Google not approving my adsense account, they said my writing was against a group of people
How have you guys been? A lot has happened in this past week o, kai! Oyibo land no easy at all. First and foremost, I’ll like to say a big thanks to Baba God for the weather, it has been OK o, for like 2 weeks now it’s been bearable and I have reduced the number of layers I wear. These days I don't think too much about going home. I hear there is a disease called winter blues and it affects about 70% of the population. During the winter months, you are severely depressed and hate the UK; I definitely suffer from that disease. During winter, I think about Naija every blessed day, even in my sleep. It has reduced now but I have not forgotten all together, watch out for Tosin Swagger arriving in Lagos very soonJ, but first I’ll enjoy the summer.,.hehehehehe.
In the past week, three significant things happened to me and I want to share. They are very serious o and have impacted greatly on my life and the way I reason.
Firstly, my Team Head at work sent an invite round for a meeting and it was tagged ‘Lunch and Learn’, they announced that you don't have to bring lunch on that day, just turn up at 12 noon. Ofcouse, every human being likes awoof and we all could not stop talking about it, both oyibo and dudus..lol. On the day of the meeting, we arrived all looking cool, some people didn't have breakfast sef (minus me sha). We all kept talking about how we were not interested in the ‘Learn’ part and only wanted the Lunch’. At 12noon, we all trooped to the meeting room and saw a table with tea, coffee and fruits. We were so excited at the appetisers and started munching while listening to the speakers and also looking at the door to the meeting room for any sign of the waiters bringing the lunch. 1 o’clock, no sign of lunch, 1.30pm still no sign of lunch, 2 pm meeting ended and they said thank you all for coming. Shuo! Where the heck is this lunch we were promised? Nobody answered the question. My colleagues started leaving and I realised what we ate when we came in was the ‘Lunch’L. My people when did tea, coffee and fruits become lunch? Only in oyibo land o, we all left disappointed but it looks like the oyibos were not too surprised. Me ke, I learnt a great life lesson o, next time I hear lunch, don’t bring lunch bla bla, I will find my way to the nearest restaurant first and eat well. Never again will I be taken for a fool..Tscheww. Who begged them sef
Secondly, I got on a bus during the week and was going through my phone and reading my daily dose of Naija gossip. We got to a bustop, and the driver stopped, me I didn't look up o but I was forced to in the end. The kind of smell that covered the bus was unbearable, what was smelling, who is smelling, we all started looking around and giving signs with straight faces. Mind you, oyibo can gbeborun without you knowing o, they have some funny facial expressions ehnnnn…. Guess what happened, it was the man that got in at the bustop that brought the smell in. How can someone stink like this? I tried my best to bear it but when I could not breathe anymore, I rang the bell and got off. You won’t believe it, what happened in 1972 happened to me again. What happened I hear you ask? I walked homeL. I still had like six stops to go but I just had to walk. I know you will say it is good exercise but seriously is it fair?? Why some of these people no dey baff?? Honestly, once its cold they stop taking a bath and start walking around like that putting the whole nation at risk, and the kind of smell that emanates from them ehnn -cigarette, alcohol, burger, pies, and all sorts put together. It’s not fair o….*crying*
Thirdly, I want to a small town last weekend to visit my friends, a town where they are like the only blacks living there. How do people survive in these kinds of places? It’s bad enough I miss Naija so much, how can I go and live in a place where people are giving me stares as if I am an ‘ebora’ (idol). The kind of looks I was getting at the station and walking along the road ehnn, I was so sure someone was going to pull out a gun and shoot me. After sometime I just pictured in my head that I was a celebrity jare, with people looking at me and wanting to be like me. With this picture in my head, I strolled majestically to my friend’s place, but honestly my heart was in my mouth. My friends confirmed this is a daily occurrence for them with people constantly looking at them and some swearing at them. Na by force, abeg me dey go Naija jere where we are all the same. Everywhere you go, you are judged by your skin colour and your accent? Recently, a guy told me in a supermarket near my house to go home, I just looked at him and shook my head at the loser and walked away. I pity the dudus that were born here that don’t have anywhere to go o, trust me they are judged too. Some people say they have grown thick skin, but me I haven’t o, it still pains me when someone is racist towards me. May God help us all.
Thanks to Seun0622 for checking on me while I was away, now that’s a true fan..lol, you give me strength to go on bro *chop knuckle*
Have a nice weekend all and you will hear from me soon (I promise)
Love XX
Friday, 12 April 2013
Its Friday..Yeeeee
Yes indeed, TGIF and it’s my favourite day of the week, bet you know why by
now? Ofcouse the answer is I can talk normally from Friday evening till Monday
morning …hahahahahaha.
When I moved here 4 years ago, my friends advised me to watch Eastenders and Coronation Street (British soaps) everyday to help my accent become posh. Hahahaha! I stopped after two days, which levels? Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of my accent but it's a different ball game in the world I am in now. *sighs*.
After I posted my story yesterday, Wizee from Nairaland commented that I should save well and return home but I should avoid giving all the money to a man. I laughed and laughed ehnn, I almost fell of my chair. Me, Oluwatosin *beating my chest so hard*, carry my hard earned money (in the cold and snow) and give to a man? Honestly, I can’t stop lolling. Do you know what I have been through and what I am depriving myself of to reach my target, and then I will go and give all to a man? Hehehehe, even if he goes to India to get his juju, na water o. It becomes water when it meets with the ijebu side of me. *straight face*
The same person also asked if UK is as bad as I portray it and to that end I’ll say NO. Not every Nigerian here is suffering or in a low paying job, infact ehnn I was invited to a church recently for a baby dedication. When I arrived at the parking lot and saw the cars, am like ehnnnn, is this a Nigerian church? I thought I was in Victoria Island, Lagos. I entered the church and all the members looked rich and posh (lol), all of them Nigerians. Not the South East runs guys kind of rich o. Testimony time came and this lady came up to testify about how God has kept her in her contracting job. The company she was contracting for was looking to get rid of contractors and offered her a permanent job for £35,000 per annum, she said she rejected it and she went on and on about how she can’t survive on 35K per annum. She said she held on to her faith and she was amongst the 5 contractors that were asked to stay. I said ehnn see how this one is talking about 35k like say na 10k, so how much she come dey earn as a contractor. I looked around all the members to see their expressions and they all seemed to agree with her. I thought to myself, the anointing they flow for this church o, I am still considering becoming a member..hehehe.
Anyways I don’t have actual figures but I want to believe only about 10% of Nigerians in this country have very good jobs with very good pay, the rest of the 90% nko
? They fall into the category of people I have
been describing on this blog. Shikena! Me nko? I hear you ask, I sha thank God
for where I am. J
Now my final word for today is to all elderly Nigerians that come to this country, not every black person is Nigerian not to talk of Yoruba. I was at the train station yesterday and this old woman said to me ‘jo ba mi gbe bag mi’ (meaning help me carry my bag). I wanted to ask her if she has inner eyes to determine if I was Yoruba, I also wanted to tell her that if you meet a Jamo person, you will be on your own o, dem fit vex for you o, besides in this country nobody helps you with your bag except in exceptional circumstances. The rule is if you can’t carry it yourself, don’t bother. Anyways I helped her sha because I am well trained *fans self*.
My mum is so guilty of this, whenever she comes visiting, for every black person she sees, she goes ‘eni yen jo Nigerian o, Kilode ti o ki wa* (that person looks Nigerian, why is he/she not greeting us?). My mum sha, she is not only speculating that the person is Nigerian, she is also expecting to be greeted, I say mummy as what now? Are you the Queen of England? My brother came around to visit me once too and wanted to ask someone for the way to the station, he stopped this oyibo and said ‘good morning’, the guy looked at him strangely and just walked away. Hahahahahaha.
Truth is nobody talks or greets you unnecessarily around here, when I see my colleagues outside of my office premises, they always throwey face like say dem no sabi me. Greeting someone out of the ordinary is not normal, infact I have an uncle here that told me about one oyibo in his office that raked for him for greeting him too much. He said he greeted the guy in the morning when he arrived at work, saw him at a meeting around 11am and greeted him again, he saw him at 2pm and greeted him again and the guy just started raking, ‘why are you greeting me over and over again?, how many times do you want to greet me in one day?’ I nearly died of laughter. My people abeg, greeting dey dey too much
Before I go today, I’ll like to say thank you to everyone that has read and has been following my story so far. It's a week today since I started and I have received great feedback from you all *wipes tears*. I am so touched, God bless you. *big grin*. I must also state that writing this and reading your comments has made my living here more bearable, everyday I step out now I am looking for stuff to blog about, its exciting. My twitter account is growing as well and I managed to get Linda Ikeji and Laila Ikeji to follow me during the week, I was so excited *dancing*. They inspire me because me sef dey do small amebo for this my tori o. Next stop is @donjazzy and @bankyw *running as fast as my leg can carry me*..lol. Those are the two Nigerian artists I love *BBM smiley love struck*
Have a lovely weekend guys
Love XX
When I moved here 4 years ago, my friends advised me to watch Eastenders and Coronation Street (British soaps) everyday to help my accent become posh. Hahahaha! I stopped after two days, which levels? Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of my accent but it's a different ball game in the world I am in now. *sighs*.
After I posted my story yesterday, Wizee from Nairaland commented that I should save well and return home but I should avoid giving all the money to a man. I laughed and laughed ehnn, I almost fell of my chair. Me, Oluwatosin *beating my chest so hard*, carry my hard earned money (in the cold and snow) and give to a man? Honestly, I can’t stop lolling. Do you know what I have been through and what I am depriving myself of to reach my target, and then I will go and give all to a man? Hehehehe, even if he goes to India to get his juju, na water o. It becomes water when it meets with the ijebu side of me. *straight face*
The same person also asked if UK is as bad as I portray it and to that end I’ll say NO. Not every Nigerian here is suffering or in a low paying job, infact ehnn I was invited to a church recently for a baby dedication. When I arrived at the parking lot and saw the cars, am like ehnnnn, is this a Nigerian church? I thought I was in Victoria Island, Lagos. I entered the church and all the members looked rich and posh (lol), all of them Nigerians. Not the South East runs guys kind of rich o. Testimony time came and this lady came up to testify about how God has kept her in her contracting job. The company she was contracting for was looking to get rid of contractors and offered her a permanent job for £35,000 per annum, she said she rejected it and she went on and on about how she can’t survive on 35K per annum. She said she held on to her faith and she was amongst the 5 contractors that were asked to stay. I said ehnn see how this one is talking about 35k like say na 10k, so how much she come dey earn as a contractor. I looked around all the members to see their expressions and they all seemed to agree with her. I thought to myself, the anointing they flow for this church o, I am still considering becoming a member..hehehe.
Anyways I don’t have actual figures but I want to believe only about 10% of Nigerians in this country have very good jobs with very good pay, the rest of the 90% nko
Now my final word for today is to all elderly Nigerians that come to this country, not every black person is Nigerian not to talk of Yoruba. I was at the train station yesterday and this old woman said to me ‘jo ba mi gbe bag mi’ (meaning help me carry my bag). I wanted to ask her if she has inner eyes to determine if I was Yoruba, I also wanted to tell her that if you meet a Jamo person, you will be on your own o, dem fit vex for you o, besides in this country nobody helps you with your bag except in exceptional circumstances. The rule is if you can’t carry it yourself, don’t bother. Anyways I helped her sha because I am well trained *fans self*.
My mum is so guilty of this, whenever she comes visiting, for every black person she sees, she goes ‘eni yen jo Nigerian o, Kilode ti o ki wa* (that person looks Nigerian, why is he/she not greeting us?). My mum sha, she is not only speculating that the person is Nigerian, she is also expecting to be greeted, I say mummy as what now? Are you the Queen of England? My brother came around to visit me once too and wanted to ask someone for the way to the station, he stopped this oyibo and said ‘good morning’, the guy looked at him strangely and just walked away. Hahahahahaha.
Truth is nobody talks or greets you unnecessarily around here, when I see my colleagues outside of my office premises, they always throwey face like say dem no sabi me. Greeting someone out of the ordinary is not normal, infact I have an uncle here that told me about one oyibo in his office that raked for him for greeting him too much. He said he greeted the guy in the morning when he arrived at work, saw him at a meeting around 11am and greeted him again, he saw him at 2pm and greeted him again and the guy just started raking, ‘why are you greeting me over and over again?, how many times do you want to greet me in one day?’ I nearly died of laughter. My people abeg, greeting dey dey too much
Before I go today, I’ll like to say thank you to everyone that has read and has been following my story so far. It's a week today since I started and I have received great feedback from you all *wipes tears*. I am so touched, God bless you. *big grin*. I must also state that writing this and reading your comments has made my living here more bearable, everyday I step out now I am looking for stuff to blog about, its exciting. My twitter account is growing as well and I managed to get Linda Ikeji and Laila Ikeji to follow me during the week, I was so excited *dancing*. They inspire me because me sef dey do small amebo for this my tori o. Next stop is @donjazzy and @bankyw *running as fast as my leg can carry me*..lol. Those are the two Nigerian artists I love *BBM smiley love struck*
Have a lovely weekend guys
Love XX
Thursday, 11 April 2013
Very Serious Day
Hello people,
Apologies for not blogging yesterday, I was in a meeting all day from 8am to 5pm listening to our ogas at the top falling our hands…...Hehehehe, by the time I got home, I went straight to bed. You know those kind of meetings your eyes are open and you are nodding to everything they are saying but deep down you are fast asleep? If you can’t do that yet, you are on a long thing o. Oluwatosin can open are eyes wide and be fast asleep. *seriously*!!
Today I am going to be very serious and I mean very serious, no joking around or anything because I saw something that made my heart bleed.
I walked to a nearby mall during my lunch on Tuesday and I saw a black lady pushing the cleaning trolley, I blinked well and looked again and I said ahn ahn I know this babe now. I screamed her name and she hugged me. Jesu! What is this ‘omo onile olana’ (that means someone from a wealthy background) doing working as a cleaner in the UK. She is indeed from a very good background and we went to university together in Nigeria. Firstly, before I proceed I am not against people making a honest living here when you come in as a student etc but after I did my investigations, my amebo friends confirmed she came here on a visit visa and refused to go back home. What the heck is that? This girl was a big girl in Naija and I mean big girl who had everything going for her. I have not been myself since then and each time I think about her I want to cry.
Now listen carefully all Nigerian youths, if you decide to come here on a visit visa and disappear into thin air, na suffer dey wait you o. Please don’t give me stories of people that made it through that route. Save all the cash you want to put into the visa and ticket and start a business, even if you start selling rice or okrika. The UK Government is very strict on immigration now and people with papers sef can’t find jobs. I know some people will disagree with my opinion today but I have seen too many Nigerians here suffering that I wonder why? I just heard of a guy recently who got a post study visa and started working has a security guard; he has saved so much and decided to give all to a britico girl to marry him so he can apply for a spousal visa. What the heck? What if you don’t get the visa? I know someone else that has been waiting for 2 years to get the so called spousal visa. Why not take the money and go back home? The stories are countless.
What is the attraction to UK sef, bad weather, racism, unfriendly people, tiny houses, no friends or family, kids stabbing each other?? Kilode gan *angry face*.
In my opinion, the only set of Nigerians allowed here are Doctors and Nurses, even financial services guys can get good jobs at home jare.
I no get another tori today, I dey vex.
Catch ya tomorrow and please follow me on twitter @tosinswagger.
Love XX
Tuesday, 9 April 2013
Mid Week Crisis
*Yawns*
How hard is it to wake up at 5.30 am?? *yawns again*. Each time I hear my alarm
go off in the mornings I fantasise for 5 minutes about winning the lottery and
what I will do with the money, I spend the money sharply in my head. Dear God,
all I ask for is 1million pounds (I am not too greedy abi..hahaha). The koko of
my intro is that getting up this morning was so hard for me and it’s only
Tuesday…God help lazy me.
Today I am seriously venting about the issue of kids in this county. At what point did someone come up with the ridiculous idea that it is wrong to spank kids?. OMG, what my eyes have seen since I have moved here has made me reach a conclusion that these people are crazy. Do you know how many times I have refrained myself from spanking someone’s naughty child in a supermarket, bus or train? I completely forget am in the UK and raise my hand before something tells me do you know where you are? Is he/she your child…lol
These kids are extremely naughty, the kinds of tantrums they throw is unbelievable and the parents stand there talking to them. Why waste your time giving a speech when an ordinary spank in the bum can solve the problem. Kai! I remember Naija growing up days, mama Tosin didn't have time, when she gives you one of her signature looks and you ignore her ehnn, the slap or smack that will follow, you will see stars and automatically behave yourself ni. We were programmed to behave ourselves everywhere and every time she was around. Here I have seen toddlers cursing their mothers, spitting on them and dragging their clothes in public and what do the mothers or fathers do? shout STOP it with one annoying thin voice, I just look at them SMH and move on, you are not ready. The sad part for me is Nigerians here have had to succumb to the law because of fear of social service taking your child away, I know of two couples that have had their kids seized because neighbours reported them that they spank their kids. I also went to a Nigerian kids party (turned owanbe) recently and most of the kids were so badly behaved that I was wondering, are these kids being raised by Nigerians?
Is this where you want me to raise my beloved kids in the future and watch them grow up in this scary UK environment? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t support child abuse, but kids have to be reminded once in a while who the boss is. Nigeria is the place o, if you don’t spank your kids sef, there are more than enough people to help you out, except ofcouse the yuppy mummies in Lekki have followed the UK trend o, if that is the case, they are on their own.
Speaking of UK owanbes, I hardly ever get invites so when I got a couple over the Easter weekend, I grabbed them with open hands and attended all. Infact, I waited till they started packing the chairs before I got up to leave each one..Hahahaha (that’s what boredom can do to you).
In 2012, I think I attended just two living room parties which are always horrible. The flats/apartments are always so tiny that guests are practically squeezed together like sardines. At the end of the day when you manage to get food to eat; you have to stand to eat it. What’s the point? So I don’t accept invites to flat parties *straight face*, I only accept invites to parties in houses (with gardens – summer only) and halls *fans self*.
Back to Easter weekend, I got invites to three posh parties and what didn't my eyes see. People have money to spend in this UK o, when poor Oluwatosin is gathering her little pennies and saving all to facilitate her return to Naija, some Nigerians are wasting it. Are you sure all these people wake up at 5.30am to go to a job like I do? If they do, how can they spend all on parties.
Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed myself at the parties but what struck me the most is the rate at which Naija women in London are bleaching and the kind of masquerade-like make up they apply. Jeez! How can you be bleaching your skin in UK? Don’t you know it makes cold penetrate you faster? I was surprised o.
On top of the heavy bleaching, I have never seen such heavy make up in my life especially the very thick black eyebrows….. my God, if you are reading this please stop and tell your friends, ya’ll look like masquerades. Please also refrain from wearing inappropriate clothing because of the amount of excess fat you carry, I don’t mean to be rude but we are sisters and we should be able to advise one another. Those guys you are trying to impress do not like women that look like masquerades…end of story. If you doubt my claims, please check Temidayo Photography on facebook, he is the most popular photographer in UK and captures most of these events, girls in Nigeria have carried last when it comes to bleaching and masquerade make up ooooooo, London girls are winning.
Hey guys please leave comments and let me know how I am doing, don’t want to mess myself o..lol. You can also follow me on twitter @tosinswagger and I’ll follow back.
Catch ya tomorrow
Love XX
Today I am seriously venting about the issue of kids in this county. At what point did someone come up with the ridiculous idea that it is wrong to spank kids?. OMG, what my eyes have seen since I have moved here has made me reach a conclusion that these people are crazy. Do you know how many times I have refrained myself from spanking someone’s naughty child in a supermarket, bus or train? I completely forget am in the UK and raise my hand before something tells me do you know where you are? Is he/she your child…lol
These kids are extremely naughty, the kinds of tantrums they throw is unbelievable and the parents stand there talking to them. Why waste your time giving a speech when an ordinary spank in the bum can solve the problem. Kai! I remember Naija growing up days, mama Tosin didn't have time, when she gives you one of her signature looks and you ignore her ehnn, the slap or smack that will follow, you will see stars and automatically behave yourself ni. We were programmed to behave ourselves everywhere and every time she was around. Here I have seen toddlers cursing their mothers, spitting on them and dragging their clothes in public and what do the mothers or fathers do? shout STOP it with one annoying thin voice, I just look at them SMH and move on, you are not ready. The sad part for me is Nigerians here have had to succumb to the law because of fear of social service taking your child away, I know of two couples that have had their kids seized because neighbours reported them that they spank their kids. I also went to a Nigerian kids party (turned owanbe) recently and most of the kids were so badly behaved that I was wondering, are these kids being raised by Nigerians?
Is this where you want me to raise my beloved kids in the future and watch them grow up in this scary UK environment? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t support child abuse, but kids have to be reminded once in a while who the boss is. Nigeria is the place o, if you don’t spank your kids sef, there are more than enough people to help you out, except ofcouse the yuppy mummies in Lekki have followed the UK trend o, if that is the case, they are on their own.
Speaking of UK owanbes, I hardly ever get invites so when I got a couple over the Easter weekend, I grabbed them with open hands and attended all. Infact, I waited till they started packing the chairs before I got up to leave each one..Hahahaha (that’s what boredom can do to you).
In 2012, I think I attended just two living room parties which are always horrible. The flats/apartments are always so tiny that guests are practically squeezed together like sardines. At the end of the day when you manage to get food to eat; you have to stand to eat it. What’s the point? So I don’t accept invites to flat parties *straight face*, I only accept invites to parties in houses (with gardens – summer only) and halls *fans self*.
Back to Easter weekend, I got invites to three posh parties and what didn't my eyes see. People have money to spend in this UK o, when poor Oluwatosin is gathering her little pennies and saving all to facilitate her return to Naija, some Nigerians are wasting it. Are you sure all these people wake up at 5.30am to go to a job like I do? If they do, how can they spend all on parties.
Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed myself at the parties but what struck me the most is the rate at which Naija women in London are bleaching and the kind of masquerade-like make up they apply. Jeez! How can you be bleaching your skin in UK? Don’t you know it makes cold penetrate you faster? I was surprised o.
On top of the heavy bleaching, I have never seen such heavy make up in my life especially the very thick black eyebrows….. my God, if you are reading this please stop and tell your friends, ya’ll look like masquerades. Please also refrain from wearing inappropriate clothing because of the amount of excess fat you carry, I don’t mean to be rude but we are sisters and we should be able to advise one another. Those guys you are trying to impress do not like women that look like masquerades…end of story. If you doubt my claims, please check Temidayo Photography on facebook, he is the most popular photographer in UK and captures most of these events, girls in Nigeria have carried last when it comes to bleaching and masquerade make up ooooooo, London girls are winning.
Hey guys please leave comments and let me know how I am doing, don’t want to mess myself o..lol. You can also follow me on twitter @tosinswagger and I’ll follow back.
Catch ya tomorrow
Love XX
Monday, 8 April 2013
Apologies for Yesterday *Sober face*
I
can’t believe I just started this blog and I am missing days of not blogging
already. I apologise for not posting yesterday, I was very busy. Doing what I
hear you ask??…………………..watching Yoruba movies ni *hides face in shame again*
(by now, I bet you can tell I am one bush geh, your guess is right). Honestly,
Sundays are always chilled out days for me, I go to church and spend the rest
of the afternoon watching Yoruba movies on YouTube and Irokotv, God bless those
guys that upload them. I call them stress relievers because that's what they do
to me.(Please note I only watch from the guys licensed to do so, I want the
Yoruba movie industry to progress *straight face*). Apologies to nollywood
movies but honestly I can’t stand the fakeness (is there a word like that?)
Today I want to ask you guy’s a question, why are majority of oyibo people so patient? They are so patient that sometimes I want to fight for them sef. On Saturday, I jumped on the bus to go make my hair, I did my calculations and realised it was better than driving my fuel and paying for parking. If you like call me ijebu, I need it, I am a walking calculator and I save every penny saveable. How else can my money be complete on time and I can move back to my beloved homeland? Anyway, I was on the bus and we got to a bustop, two of my sisters stepped in (I heard them speaking Yoruba) and they stood in front of the driver and started searching their bags. Honestly, for close to two minutes, they were both searching their bags non challantly whilst speaking to each other in loud voices. It was so annoying. After, like three minutes they both looked up (as if planned) and told the driver they didn't have money. I nearly fainted on my sit. Two grownup women in the city of London could not produce £2 each and they kept us waiting for so long. Later these people will be telling people back home in Naija how sweet UK is. Shio!. To cut the long story short, the driver told them to get off. The koko of my story is that the bus driver was not even upset or angry, no one in the bus even noticed or looked impatient (except me na, I was already moving from side to side..lol) and we drove off. In my head, I pictured if this had happened in the city of Lagos, I trust the drivers, conductors and passengers, dem no dey fall hand at all. You can’t delay them for 2 seconds not to talk of 3minutes. I think the drivers in other states still have a higher patience threshold..Haahaha! E ko onibaje.
The week has started in earnest and the weather is still gloomy jare. Sebi I told you guys on Saturday that the sun was out but let me tell you a secret. If you see the sun shining in the UK and you dress like its summer, trust me you are on your own o. I was not deceived by the sunshine over the weekend at all and I dressed like I will normally dress in freezing temperatures. (At some point, I was sweating make I no lie, I over did the dressing warm as usual). I saw so many people dressed up like its warm weather, I was just doing #yinmu. All of a sudden, the weather changed, come and see people shaking...hahahaha. In my mind, I said are you a learner?? So u see small sun for UK you begin dress like say you dey hot county. This country has the most unstable weather in the whole world (my opinion). There is even a saying ‘as unpredictable as the British weather’. One of my long list of reasons why I love Naija jere. Do you know the 1st time I came here, I used to stand at the bustop and weep during winter, who send me message abi? God dey!
Guys have gotta go ..hehehe! That's me blowing fone o, you know its Monday now so I have switched to my phoney accent. Tomorrow I am going to vent about the issue of kids in this country, whoever came up with the idea of not spanking kids *confused* :-)L
Catch ya later
Love XX
Today I want to ask you guy’s a question, why are majority of oyibo people so patient? They are so patient that sometimes I want to fight for them sef. On Saturday, I jumped on the bus to go make my hair, I did my calculations and realised it was better than driving my fuel and paying for parking. If you like call me ijebu, I need it, I am a walking calculator and I save every penny saveable. How else can my money be complete on time and I can move back to my beloved homeland? Anyway, I was on the bus and we got to a bustop, two of my sisters stepped in (I heard them speaking Yoruba) and they stood in front of the driver and started searching their bags. Honestly, for close to two minutes, they were both searching their bags non challantly whilst speaking to each other in loud voices. It was so annoying. After, like three minutes they both looked up (as if planned) and told the driver they didn't have money. I nearly fainted on my sit. Two grownup women in the city of London could not produce £2 each and they kept us waiting for so long. Later these people will be telling people back home in Naija how sweet UK is. Shio!. To cut the long story short, the driver told them to get off. The koko of my story is that the bus driver was not even upset or angry, no one in the bus even noticed or looked impatient (except me na, I was already moving from side to side..lol) and we drove off. In my head, I pictured if this had happened in the city of Lagos, I trust the drivers, conductors and passengers, dem no dey fall hand at all. You can’t delay them for 2 seconds not to talk of 3minutes. I think the drivers in other states still have a higher patience threshold..Haahaha! E ko onibaje.
The week has started in earnest and the weather is still gloomy jare. Sebi I told you guys on Saturday that the sun was out but let me tell you a secret. If you see the sun shining in the UK and you dress like its summer, trust me you are on your own o. I was not deceived by the sunshine over the weekend at all and I dressed like I will normally dress in freezing temperatures. (At some point, I was sweating make I no lie, I over did the dressing warm as usual). I saw so many people dressed up like its warm weather, I was just doing #yinmu. All of a sudden, the weather changed, come and see people shaking...hahahaha. In my mind, I said are you a learner?? So u see small sun for UK you begin dress like say you dey hot county. This country has the most unstable weather in the whole world (my opinion). There is even a saying ‘as unpredictable as the British weather’. One of my long list of reasons why I love Naija jere. Do you know the 1st time I came here, I used to stand at the bustop and weep during winter, who send me message abi? God dey!
Guys have gotta go ..hehehe! That's me blowing fone o, you know its Monday now so I have switched to my phoney accent. Tomorrow I am going to vent about the issue of kids in this country, whoever came up with the idea of not spanking kids *confused* :-)L
Catch ya later
Love XX
Saturday, 6 April 2013
Yeeeeeeee it's the Weekend.
Ladies and gentlemen, a standing ovation please…for who I hear
you ask, for sunshine ni o..Jeez! I have never been so excited about sunshine
in my life. I woke up this morning and saw sunlight, kai! Person don suffer for
here o. Do you know that for the past 6 months we have been living in the
freezer? It has been so depressing. I hear Naija pips complaining about heat,
you guys are lucky o, you see sunshine everyday. Honestly, you don’t know what
you have till you lose it. Do you know how many people have died from cold this
winter?? Close to 6,000. Please provide the names of people heat has killed in
Nigeria…end of!! At the end of the day, na me and the cold sha, I no dey fall
hand at all, I fit nack 12 outfits at once and nobody will know..ehnn
Oluwatosin cannot come and die in a foreign land, from what??cold. Tufiakwa
Today is Saturday. Yeee! I love the weekend so much like
everyone else, but my own reason for loving it is different. Apart from the
much needed rest, I can take a break from twisting my tongue at work in an
attempt to posh up my accent. Two days of talking normally, wow I love
weekends. You guys don’t know how hard it is for you to talk and everyone looks
around trying to find who the outcast is. I particularly hate conference calls.
In this country, I only talk when it is absolutely necessary.
I know dey talk anyhow for here o because the looks that follow no dey too good
at all. I can’t wait to return to Nigeria where I can talk without fear of
being looked at in a funny way. It’s a serious matter o., you need to see me at
presentations…hahahaha! I dey always laugh my self sef.
My post for the day just came in and T-Mobile sent a letter
saying they have increased my tariff and it will take effect from May. Please
are you allowed to change prices when a contract has been signed?? I bet if I
call now they will say check your terms and conditions, who has time to be
reading long terms and conditions. Hiss!
A big thanks to everyone who has visited my blog since I started
last night, special thanks to http://fashionandstylepolice.com/
for being the 1st to leave a comment. Please visit his/her website,
it’s ‘shamazing’. Please follow me on twitter @tosinswagger and share with your
friends.
Catch ya tomorrow
Love..XX
Friday, 5 April 2013
Introduction- Meet Tosin Swaggerlicious
Introduction
Hello there, (I throwey salute o)
My name is Tosin, a Nigerian born young woman living in the UK
Everyday of my life in this country, I see things that get
me thinking, but I have no friends to share it with so I have decided to start
blogging. I am not an illegal immigrant and I have an OK job with a company
listed on the LSE (all glory to God) but what am I saying sef, the able Queen
spends my salary *rolls eyes*. At the end of the day, when payslip lands plus
all the bills waiting to be paid, u go wan shed tears. You guys in Naija are
having a ball o, for here TV Licence, council tax, MOT, car insurance, mobile phone
bill, landline rental fee, electricity bill, water and sewage bill, broadband
bill, satellite bill, road tax plus my rent..from one person, in one month and
I never talk food, clothes or faaji, Haaa Iya Charlie, Her Royal Majesty, God
is watching you in HD o.
I wake up at 5.30am everyday to get to work for 8am and the
oyibos in my office think I am mad but I no blame dem, sebi they can choose
jobs, who dash Oluwatosin with my thick African accent. Do you know how many
interviews I attended before God blessed me with this one? At those interviews,
I will try my best to speak fone but before the interview ends my true Naija
accent go don comot, kai I suffer no be small that time and the kain job wey I
dey do, oyibos sef dey do am, so the competition tight well well. That accent
issue sha, I don fall my hand so many times, we go discuss am later.
Anyways, at work they call me all sorts- Soldier, Usain Bolt
(because of the speed at which I work), but me no send o. I know my aim and
that is?????????Guess! To save enough and gerrout..hehehe.
Make I no lie sha, my colleagues are nice and not racist or
horrible to me directly, but who knows what goes on behind my back ( I NO SEND,
if na Naija I dey now, ehn ehn I go fit break bottle..lol).
The koko of this blog is to share with you guys (my new online
friends) everything my eye dey see for this place called UK
Also, this blog is an avenue for me to vent till my money is
complete and I finally make it back to my homeland, so it’s a journey I am
embarking on with you guys.
Today, my complain is the way oyibos look at me as if I am
too fat, shuo….because my bum is big? I am not fat o (a decent size 12-14 at
5ft 11” what are you talking? Kim K take a seat *rolls eyes*). Kai! I miss
Naija days when I was the toast of town because of my bum, see as guys dey fall
that time. Now, they give me one eye as I am rolling across in my office like
say see as this one be, what do they know??Shio. Even yeye black boys here join
them in giving me that look..hahaha, I laugh at those ones because I know they
are only trying to feel among. It’s not in your nature mate!
Anyways, me sef don dey try gym and eat healthy but I doubt if I can ever be lepa, even if I am, my bum
will always be there, it’s a free gift of nature to me and the women in my
family.
My colleague who is like size 4-6, tinrin like anything is always
on a diet and goes to the gym daily, I look at her and shake my head, (sha no
go collapse for gym one day),if to say na my homeland, nothing for you o. No
correct bobo in Naija and I repeat, no correct bobo in Naija likes bones. (Am
right abi *smiles*). For here, na bones dey reign, in other words, people like
us in the UK
Speaking of food, lunchtime is hell for me at work, what is
there to eat sef? Salad, sandwich and crisps, jacket potato or you go and eat
burger or KFC? The canteen in my office, no words describe the oshi dey
produce. I am always looking for hot food with my small lunch budget. (I no
come count bridge for London
Kai, I remember with mixed feelings the days of afang and
edikaikong at lunchtime in VI or Jollof rice, moi moi and chicken from Chicken Republic
I am happy to answer questions and receive criticisms in the
comments section, also please follow me on twitter @tosinswagger for live
updates , . Hopefully everything works out well with this blog and I am able to
post daily. (make Met Police and HRM no begin find me sha because na mess I wan
mess their country for here)..*jokes*
Catch you guys tomorrow
Love XX (me sef don dey use x like oyibos..Hehehe)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)